GOALLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It has been exactly 11 months today since my surgery.......and I am down 108 lbs - 1 lb more than my year goal!!

This year has been insane - lots of good - lots of bad - lots of learning.

There are so many things that I have no accomplished in my life, some things that I will never be able to..............but this is NOT one of them!

Thank you to my friends and family - but mostly for my AMAZING husband Jordan.  This man LOVED me for WHO I WAS - inside and out - found some of my most horrifying traits endearing - and stood by me through thick and thin.  He is the great love of my life - and my soulmate - my partner in EVERYTHING - and I adore him.

Jordan - I could NEVER have done this without your love and support.....thank you sweetheart - you are MY EVERYTHING.   XOXO

VOMIT + STRESS = 104 lbs lost!

So.........the fun continues.  I've had some major issues with ulcers - pretty much due to stress.  I tend to throw up about 2 - 5 times a day - and it HURTS.  I revert back to yogurt alot.  I've had three endoscopies in the past two months - and am on a steady dose of ulcer meds - starting to help - but what would be best is a serious reduction in stress.  Not sure that is going to happen anytime soon - but pushing through.

I've packed up 11 lawn and leaf bags full of clothing that no longer fits.  Yes - I am a MASSIVE CLOTHES HORSE.  Sadly - all closets are still full now.  :(  I do look better in most clothing now - lol.  And how fun it is to go into Calvin Klein and J Crew for clothes again!  WOO HOO!

As I was packing up clothes, I started trying things on - I was amazed that I could get two legs into one side of a pair of pants!  I need to get a photo of this and post it so you can see.  CRAZY!  It was a huge shock to me!  I may have mentioned before - I have body dysmorphia - so when I look in the mirror, I dont' really see much of a difference from where where I was before to where I am now.  Only when I do things like jump into one side of an old pair of pants do I begin to realize that I've lost a person now.  Weird right?  It is to me.  I'm always amazed at the major reaction I get from people who haven't seen me in awhile.....or when I look at old photos of me pre surgery. 

I wish that my back felt better after all of this weight loss - but that is simply not the case - and I'm trying to work with my new limitations at the urging of my rheumatologist. It's a process - and a very difficult one at that.

My husband and parents have been INSANELY SUPPORTIVE - I could have never survived the past three years without them.  THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU - there are no words to express my gratitude and love for you three.

Biggest smile I can produce with my migraine this morning - probably didn't help writing this lying down..... :)

Oy Vey.........I'm Still Fat

I started throwing up again last week............so I met with my surgeon Dr. Small - AWESOME MAN - just love this guy.  Great bedside manner - funny & kind - and oh yea - he saved my life.

Dr. Small set me up for an endoscopy - my third since having the surger 9.5 months ago.  No big deal - I've had a ton of these before - I can't count how many ulcers I've had in my lifetime - but it's alot - even a few bleeding.

My bestie Cynda took me to the hospital for the procedure.  I'm joking with the staff and Cynda - being myself.  In comes the nurse who is going to put in my IV.  She was a real delight.  Her opener was:  "So when are you having your gastric bypass - this is in preparation correct?"  I'm down a total of 98 lbs now.............and everone is telling me I look great - I'm wearing MUCH smaller clothing - I think I look better after reviewing old photos......and just like that..........all of the old Bat Man signs came out and smacked me in the face.

Thinking that perhaps she really didn't take a look at me, I VERY STUPIDLY asked her....."do I look like I need a gastric bypass?"  Then - she put down her clip board - looked me up and down and said........"Maybe.....there are alot of patients who are short." 

OK.  I'm sure that you could visually see me deflate....because I sure as hell could feel it.  I couldn't help it - but tears were next - big ones - and I started sobbing.  Cynda did her best to console me - but I was truly in a state.

I was told that I have an ulcer and there was a stricture as well - they dialated the opening to my stomach.

End results:  New prescriptions and lack of confidence.

I'm upset at myself - b/c I know I should still be happy - but I really was getting my confidence back - and in one brief moment - it was crushed.  Did I ever really have it if I allowed someone to quickly upset me? 

I don't know - but I have about 20 other battles happening right now - so I can't afford to analyze this anymore at the moment. 

My back is killing me - it's been raining for a couple of days now - so that really doesn't help things at all. 

Next up - pain killers - a 3 tier bone scan - and a court ordered mediation re: the auto accident.

 

 

Getting better all the time!

96 lbs! Closer to my goal every day!

Hello All!

It's been forever since I've been on here - and I've been told by a few friends that I really need to post some updates. 

Well - life has not been easy.  I've been spending alot of time with doctor's, physical therapists, in surgical procedures, on the phone with insurance companies and disability companies, and generally in a good deal of pain.  UGH.

I thought that losing so much weight would have a positive impact on my back - but no dice.  Things have gotten a bit worse - and I know have significant issues with my hips.  But, let's not focus on that - I'm trying to be a more positive person - and play the hand that was dealt me.

I've had some bumps along the road with this surgery - a couple of emergency endoscopies - and foods that don't agree with me causing me to be sick.................but for the most part things have been wonderful with regard to the surgery.  I am very happy with the results so far - best decision I've made other than marrying my husband!

I wanted to post a few before and after pics - more full body shots to come!

This one as at my heaviest - about 3 weeks before the surgery...........................

this was after losing 36 lbs..................

this was taken today - June 27, 012

 

 

One funny thing...........I recently ahd someone comment on how large my eyes are....my response was that my eyes were very small, squinty and deep set............they looked at me like I was crazy.  I still don't get the physical transformation alot of the time  When I look at the old pictures - I now understand.  My face was SO HEAVY tha tmy eyes looked tiny!  Without so much weight - they have definitely gotten more prominent!

Thanks for all of the well wishes and support - you will never know how much your kindness has meant to me!

Oh - Simon - no more Moon Pie Face!  LOLO

86 POUNDS!

It's been AWHILE since I've written - but I thought I would SHOW you the difference.............

Lynn & Jordan before..................

Lynn & Jordan after..................

Lynn before..............

Lynn after...............

Lynn Before.............

Lynn after............

I have lost 86 lbs in 7 months.  I am 21 lbs away from my one year goal.  I'm hoping to lose a total of 35 - 40 more and then maintain.

I had such a distorted body image before this surgery - I had NO IDEA I was as big as I was - and through this process I've often told people I wasn't sure if I was losing weight or looking like I was at all.  I can FINALLY see a difference.

Thank you to everyone who has been so supportive in this process.

I would personally like to thank my friend Cynda who has been with me EVERY SINGLE STEP OF THE WAY.  She has shared in all of the pain, frustration and every milestone that I have reached - from smaller sizes - to crossing my legs comfortably - to fitting NICELY in an airline seat.  I've never met a more loving, non judgemental or encouraging woman.  I love you Cyn!

Also - to my Mom - who was terrified for me to go through this process - but stood by me through it all.

To my Dad - who thought I started out at a weight about 20 lbs less than I am.  God Bless you - lol.  I appreciate the encouragement.

And finally to my husband - who loved me for me - no matter what size - who encouraged me - took care of me - and shares in all of my triumphs - as well as celebrates the mundane day to day.  I love you sweetheart.

More to come.................still working on my back................I don't expect such positive results from that - but one day at a time.

Don't Make Me Laugh - I'm Tired & In Pain

It's 2am - and I'm tired and in pain.  The past 4 nights I've averaged about 2 hours of sleep a night - and things are NOT looking up.  I stay awake and work - hoping that the pain and lack of sleep will force me into a coma and I will get some rest.  I've really been on edge the past few days - but the pain has been more intense - and the not sleeping thing doesn't help. 

My back is getting worse - the weather does not help at all.  The procedures that I've had the past couple of weeks have not helped - and I'm not entirely sure what the next step is - but its getting more and more depressing.  No one knows how to fix the issue.

Jordan & I stopped to see our God son's - and their Mom (my friend Cynda) had a bunch of photos of me from my surprise birthday party last year.....WOW.  I WAS HUGE.  Simon (her husband and my friend of 35 years) chimed in.  Here's how the conversation went.

Simon:  Wow - I never thought you were that heavy.
Me:  I was so damn fat!
Jordan:  You weren't fat honey.
Simon:  YEAH YOU WERE! 
Jordan:  Honey - you were fine.
Me:  Sweetheart - the don't perform a gastric bypass on people who aren't fat.
Simon:  (looing at pictures Cynda has) DAMN - you're face is a MOON PIE!

And there you have it - my brother from another mother.  I love Simon - and he is about the only person who could ever say anything like that to me - who I wouldn't either hit - or have an emotional outburst in front of.......I just laughed - b/c it was true - and that big lug really doesn't mean anything by it - he's just like one of those honest kids who doesn't have a filter - and who also overlooked so much of my protective coating - b/c he loves me.  Great guy - great friend - love him.

I've been so frustrated - and in such pain that I've not been the loving partner that I should be.  Can any of you imagine me being difficult?  I KNOW - I'm always such a peach!  Well - I'm trying - I'm not succeeding as I should - but I am trying.....and I need to. 

More soon....thanks to you all for your continued support!

XO -
Lynn