It's 2am - and I'm tired and in pain. The past 4 nights I've averaged about 2 hours of sleep a night - and things are NOT looking up. I stay awake and work - hoping that the pain and lack of sleep will force me into a coma and I will get some rest. I've really been on edge the past few days - but the pain has been more intense - and the not sleeping thing doesn't help.
My back is getting worse - the weather does not help at all. The procedures that I've had the past couple of weeks have not helped - and I'm not entirely sure what the next step is - but its getting more and more depressing. No one knows how to fix the issue.
Jordan & I stopped to see our God son's - and their Mom (my friend Cynda) had a bunch of photos of me from my surprise birthday party last year.....WOW. I WAS HUGE. Simon (her husband and my friend of 35 years) chimed in. Here's how the conversation went.
Simon: Wow - I never thought you were that heavy.
Me: I was so damn fat!
Jordan: You weren't fat honey.
Simon: YEAH YOU WERE!
Jordan: Honey - you were fine.
Me: Sweetheart - the don't perform a gastric bypass on people who aren't fat.
Simon: (looing at pictures Cynda has) DAMN - you're face is a MOON PIE!
And there you have it - my brother from another mother. I love Simon - and he is about the only person who could ever say anything like that to me - who I wouldn't either hit - or have an emotional outburst in front of.......I just laughed - b/c it was true - and that big lug really doesn't mean anything by it - he's just like one of those honest kids who doesn't have a filter - and who also overlooked so much of my protective coating - b/c he loves me. Great guy - great friend - love him.
I've been so frustrated - and in such pain that I've not been the loving partner that I should be. Can any of you imagine me being difficult? I KNOW - I'm always such a peach! Well - I'm trying - I'm not succeeding as I should - but I am trying.....and I need to.
More soon....thanks to you all for your continued support!